just came back from one-bees' gathering at ky's :) i happen to know a lot of people who stay at laguna park, aunt rita's family, xinmiao and now ky. and aunt yvonne used to stay at fernwood just down the road.. hmm, i wouldn't mind living in east coast myself, with the beach and the seafood restaurants so nearby and all :} anyways, we had potluck and bbq.. i cant seem to get the smell of smoke out of my hair! haha. but it was rather relaxing just standing there so near the heat and flipping (or stabbing at, it depends) the chicken wings, occassionally tuning in to the mega-suaning session that went on and on between rebecca and jingsong.. :D entertainment of the most intellectual kind. and i bet we are the only bunch of people who stand around at a party and discuss (or debate over, if you pls) 1984 and The Handmaid's Tale. (>.<) twas good fun nevertheless, and the exchanging of gifts went hilariously :D i WONDER what siaurui got!!!! ROFL!!! and yah, it can only get better, so here's to attempt-to-integrate #267432986765929!!!! :}

so then i came home and had a session of my-favourite-thing-to-do-in-the-shower: think, like really think, like deep-thought-of-the-day-think. :) when the sprinkler's on and you're sitting on the floor and the water's splashing on your head and shoulders, you cant hear anything but your own thoughts.. and i thought about this past yr.

i think i've really grown as a person this year. and i know you've probably read this in a thousand other places but i don't care. i'm being honest and this is the only time i've ever realised the change in me. emotionally, mentally and spiritually. but i think it's emotionally most of all because i've felt for so many people and things this year. fear, happiness, loneliness, love, anger.. i've learnt to worry for my parents, i've learnt not to readily accept all the best dishes at dinner simply because they've told me i can have it or i must have it. i've learnt to share. i've learnt to fear mortality, and i've tried to picture what eternal life must be like, and failed, and learnt to just accept it all. i've learnt to protect myself from potential hurt. i've learnt to block negative remarks out. i've learnt that i'm made of tougher stuff than i thought i was. i've learnt to open up to some people, somewhat, and yet somehow, i've also become more shy around others..

it's been.. a challenging year. but even if i could, i wouldn't have wanted to go back to the beginning of it and chose to take another path. that's something i've developed this year too, the will to move on from many things, many hurtful things, and not dwell on them.

"I'll go anywhere as long as it's forward."

i've made many decisions that i know will have a meaningful impact on my life henceforth. deciding to go into the humanities was one, but most importantly of all, the decision to stay on in canoeing. it's being a tough but exhilarating ride. and i'm really thankful to God for being my Rock throughout, my RJC47 life-jacket if you will, with leukoplast taped round the shoulder straps, leukoplast i'd taped on with trembling hands during nationals..

i know this may be sort of a digression but i'm going to explain why i've named that pale green sji boat Gideon: First of all, Gideon is a mighty warrior. His story can be found in Judges 6-8 in the Bible. It's a story about learning to trust God even when you feel inadequate, obeying Him even when you don't understand His plan, experiencing the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and keeping focus even when distractions come. It's the story of a man who transformed from a "very nua person" (in shawna's words) to a mighty warrior who left behind a legacy, simply because he believed. i decided to name the boat Gideon sometime after NWKC, and it's been the perfect reminder to me. Gideon's story is what kept me afloat through july and august. that's why i hate to hear people say they're going down. in Christ, we go from glory to glory, it's never "it's all downhill from here". what's a traipse into the valleys when you know that after you've scaled that mountain up ahead, you'll be at the top of the world?
..then i changed boats, not because i no longer believed in the spirit of Gideon, but because i didn't want myself to be restricted, and even to some degree, superstitious. it's Gideon's story that i should remember, if you get my drift, not what rowing in Gideon helps me achieve.

yup. there you go, get to know Gideon yourself :)

so back to this year.. my relationshp with my parents has been.. i dare say better. we've been thru a lot together after my mum's operation last year. that episode has made it necessary for us to communicate. we understand each other more, especially my dad and i, and sometimes we joke around, but not as much as i do with my friends. we're rather chinese in this aspect. but i know that in the past year, i've made them worry for me more too. and i try, goodness i try so hard to understand and accept the stuff they do because they're worried, but most of the time, i can't help feeling like a caged song bird that's got to earn its feed.. but when things get tough, i know i can always turn to God. and nothing has a better calming effect than reading the Bible. and He's taught me many ways to deal with my parents and brought comfort to my battered heart :)



whew, what a looooong post. whatever it is, suffice to say i'm more mature now. not matured, but more mature. i've still got that irritable streak of stubborness in me that i stubbornly hold on to, and there're many affairs of the heart, so to speak, that i could still use some guidance in..

..but i'm ready for 2007. as they say, come what may, and i add, The Lord Is With You, Mighty Warrior.

:) and because you've stuck with me throughout, i'd like to share with you my favourite song of the moment:


no special meaning to that song, i just like the sound of it. haha!

Labels: closing time, Gideon Jnr.

go to, then; your considerate stone.
12:34 AM
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